it's been three weeks

since the portal to Hell
opened up
in our back yard

we've gotten used to it

even Grandma

she met fiery arch-demon
she trades recipes with

we have to make substitutions though

like instead of the souls of un-baptized children

we use kale

Sandy

Sandy used to love shell fish

but one night

she had a dream
a crab was talking to her
and an oyster threatened to sue

the last time we took her to a seafood restaurant
she screamed at the clams
and ran out through traffic
waving her arms chanting Tibetan sutras

now she's living in a log cabin
somewhere deep in the woods

she's a vegetarian
and writes historical romance novels

except
her main characters
are all lobsters